December 2009
December 21, 11:16pm.
Finally breathing.
December 16, 1:54am.
Two more days and everything’s over. I’m already feeling like the whole new beginning thing has started. I’m not really angry anymore. Right now, at least. I kind of feel lucky. Things keep ending, but new things keep starting. And I never feel consistent, but I feel like it’s changing and I’m changing and I feel like me again.
I don’t know if I’ll ever...
You were one inch from the edge of this bed. I drag you back a sleepyhead, sleepyhead. They couldn’t think of something to say the day you burst. With all their lions and all their might and all their thirst. They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin. Against the walls, against your rules, against your skin.
I see you're leaving me,
And taking up with the enemy; the cold comfort of the in-between.
You'll have your mile when it's through.
Incinerate what’s left of this and torch the part of me that’s you.
I’ve got scars I’m willing to show you, you had heart that I’ll never see. She had answers to all the wrong questions. It’s funny, these answers are all that I need. Tore down your freeway, built her an airplane. It’s crazy the things we made in the sky. So picture me drowning, pretending I’m happy. We end up regretting the things we don’t try.
When it all just fits- no more waiting up ‘till midnight to see if he comes home. And it sinks in through these holes in your old bed sheets, you might spend your life alone and you don’t want to be alone. No, not alone.
When you think too much and you came to another game, despondent out of touch. And you reach so hard it makes you fall for these hands that let you go, that...
December 8, 8:34pm.
When a situation makes you fragile, people become afraid of breaking you. They don’t want to see you down, so they try to build you back up by making you laugh. They don’t understand you have to put every single piece together again. They don’t know how to fix you. They think that laughter will fix you, but it only mocks you.
The angry fight for a reason. The lonely search for...
You’ve got your plans to do things right. I’ve got my mind, it’s all made up. We have our time, but now it’s running out of space. You know my life is just a speck, and your heart is all the same, see I’ve been staring too long at the screen. Oh God, my mind is such a mess, but there’s these things I got to do. You were my friend, but now you’re taking...
Listen
I’m lost at sea. The radio is jamming, but they wont find me. I swear, its for the best. And then your frequency is pulling me in closer til I’m home. And I’ve been up for days. I finally lost my mind and then I lost my way. I’m blistered but I’m better and I’m home.
And I will crawl. There’s things that aren’t worth giving up, I know. But I...
Let’s get drunk, you can drive us to the harbor. Wish upon a star, but do you know what stars are? Balls of fire, burning up the black space, falling from the landscape, exploding in the face of god. Let’s get crazy, talk about our big plans. Places that you’re going, places that I haven’t been. Build my walls up; concrete castle. Keep this kingdom free of hassle.
I...
December 6, 11:06pm.
You are so welcome!
But the driveway's clear, you pray for silence....
Standing still, I’m moving faster. Searching out my next disaster. You’re gonna get what you deserve.
Holding close my secrets, naked broken pieces from the madness in what you do. The fingers point right back at you. What about my problems? The people try to solve them. I guess I’m under the weather, since no one else belongs here, with me. Sunday I cried all night and it hurt so bad. But if you try to understand, this is who I am.
Color coated sweetness, swords beneath my clean dress....
December 5, 6:00pm.
Things seriously need to turn around sometime soon. I keep thinking about home and it’s driving me crazy. I wanted out so badly and I had zero regrets about coming to Chicago. So why do I now? I keep wondering what it would have been like if I just stayed. I wonder if I would be happier there. I hate the idea that I might.
I feel like I came here for a reason and I don’t want that to...
Grant me this courtesy; let this be dead to me. It’s easy when my eyes are shut, I’d say it, but it’s so self righteous, cold and pious. The goodbyes are kissed, I’m better than this. I’d rather be obvious, than losing my conciousness. I’m happy to see it now, you don’t know how to earn your reward, speechless once more. The goodbyes are kissed,...
December 5, 2:36am.
History really does seem to repeat itself. The last time I remember feeling so significantly whatever it is I’m currently feeling was my sophomore year of high school. I was 15-years-old and entirely lost in my own head. My world was a mindless routine of the same events over and over and over again to the point I wanted to scream. But I was too tired to yell for anyone to help fix me, and...
"Love you, might get arrested."
elizabethashleyfuto:
My boyfriend sends me such romantic texts.
December 4, 1:46am.
When you go away, I can’t remember your face. Disheveled hair, smile misplaced. But I can still feel you and the way your kiss tastes. Don’t think I love you, I never got the chance to. I just got close enough to feel I could. Don’t look at me the way you do. Seeing through already, ending me and you. Maybe you don’t have to. You want to.
Still remember when I saw you....
I don’t know what to do. Not anymore, not anymore. And you, well, you mean everything. You mean everything to nothing. You mean everything to nobody; me. You mean everything to nothing. You mean everything to nobody, but me.
“Pretty soon, we’ll have all the same thoughts at the same time. We’ll be in perfect unison. Synchronized.”
December 3, 2:40am.
Fade in, fade out, bright blue, bright blue. Sound so loud, I’m screaming, but I can’t get through. I want you to miss me like I could miss you. Break the glass, the petals fall. I hardly even know you, but you don’t know me at all. Sleep through the alarm, sleeping in, not a sound. You can’t feel a thing, can you?
I want you to miss me like I could miss you. Your hopeful glances...